I have found that grace is a valuable component of my “toolbox.”  When shown grace, it allows one to learn from mistakes, it helps one to get through tough times, and it is a cushion for when one acts out of character. 

When one gives grace, it provides someone an opportunity to succeed.  I am fully aware that at any moment it might be me who needs someone to show me grace. 

My late husband showed me grace and it was one of my most memorable moments in terms of the simplicity of the action and the potential of disaster.  If he had not had the courage to tell me that I had spoken using a bad voice tone first, I might have continued this behavior which would have made a less-than-desirable marriage. 

Yes, I spoke poorly to him and yes, he responded poorly back to me.  But when I said, “Please don’t speak to me that way.”   He looked at me and said in a rather controlled voice, “You spoke to me that way first.”

The moment he said that I remembered a conversation my mother and I had when I was young.  I spoke those exact words to my mother, “You spoke to me that way first.”  Out of respect, I knew better than to say anything more.   The conversation with my mother did not end with the same outcome as the conversation with my husband.  She never believed she spoke with a sharp voice to me. 

As a side note, my mother is one of the kindest women I know and a terrific wife, mother, and person.  If she did not believe she spoke in a nasty tone, how many of us don’t hear the nasty tone that flows from our mouths?  Yikes, like mother like daughter, I was speaking to my husband exactly how my mother had spoken to me.

It was a gift that the conversation with my mother was embedded in my mind from when I was a child.  It was because of that conversation that I knew instantly going forward that I needed to listen to how I spoke to others.

Getting back to that moment in time with my husband, I apologized immediately and said I was sorry and that I would not speak to him in that tone again.  With grace, he accepted my apology.  He made a choice to not make things worse.  Of course, I smiled and said to him, “I know you still love me.”  Which thankfully always made him laugh.

That was a moment of grace, a moment of forgiveness and acceptance of my apology.  It was a realization that I didn’t always listen to how my voice or my actions could hurt others.  It was a turning point in my life that continues to help me evaluate all my hidden faults, all because I was shown grace.  Understanding grace is something for which I am very grateful.  I pray that when the opportunity arises, I choose grace.

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