It’s not too late to change.  Maybe others can’t change us, but we can make changes within ourselves if we so desire.

First, we need to realize there’s something about ourselves that we would like to change.  If I don’t know what I need to change in my life, I ask Jesus through prayer to show me what I need to do differently.  Then I listen.

If I’m being honest with myself and listening, I see various replays of different circumstances in my life and how I reacted to each of them.  Once I see or hear how I acted and/or what I said, it becomes clear what I need to change and what I need to work on regarding my nonverbal and verbal communication.

Our community has a beautiful July 4th celebration, typically a 3 or 4-day event.  I host a picnic with various friends and family.  Hosting is fun for me, but I am one person hosting an event at my house, serving food, drinks, and hopefully much joy. 

It is all possible because our guests help out when they see a need.  If the kids need a golf cart driver, someone offers.  The food needs grilling, and someone is there.  Time to set out the food, someone has that covered.  Clean up is even a group effort.  When you come to my house, if you are attempting to help, I am grateful for whatever you do.  Normally, I prepare and organize myself so that my brain can be free to enjoy our guests. 

One particular year, I was embarrassed about the words that came out of my mouth.  Thankfully, I heard the words, but I couldn’t take them back.  The words did not look bad regarding the person they were delivered to, but the words made me look ridiculous and immature.   

As a single adult, I have learned that I can’t do everything myself.  If I want to entertain, I have to let go and let people accomplish different tasks.  Ninety-nine percent of the time, I do a really good job of being very grateful for all assistance.  I have learned not to have expectations; most of the time, my guests do a far better job than I would’ve done!  Upon occasion, I make a mistake; fortunately for me, my guests are very forgiving!

One July 4th, many years ago, I asked my brother to lay out a blanket when he arrived at the meadow so that we all could sit together and enjoy the fireworks.  He asked me, “Is there anywhere you’d like to sit?”  I replied, “I think we can see the fireworks from almost anywhere in the meadow!”

He carefully thought out all the different alternatives and found a location where some of our less mobile friends and family would have easier access.  When I arrived at the meadow, I looked at him and said something to the effect of, “We have the entire meadow, and you chose an area right in front of the tall trees!”  All he could reply was, “I thought I was choosing a location where everyone could have easy access.”

What was wrong with me at that moment?  I don’t know why those words came out of my mouth, but they were very hurtful, and I could not take them back.  I could only ask for forgiveness.  The important part of that lesson is to learn from it and to do my best not to duplicate that behavior or communication.  Truthfully, the location did not matter.  He had chosen a fine location.

There were some consequences for my actions!  The reason the location bothered me was that for several years prior, some pre-fireworks were beautiful and fun to watch before the main event.  The area we were in would not have allowed us to see those.   

Oddly, that year, and every year after, the pre-fireworks stopped.  Each year, I am reminded of how unkind my words were that evening.  And how ugly I looked when those words came out of my mouth.  I have no clue why I would say something like that, but I did.

Once I realize the issue, it’s important to take action.  An apology and forgiveness are a good first step.  After that, the difficult part starts: changing my actions. 

Through prayer, I thank Jesus for guiding me through the change.   I am mindful of the issue and listen for signals that indicate a problem.  When the signals start going off, I pray for guidance in my actions.  I ask Jesus to speak through me. 

Each time Jesus shows me an area where I need to change, I am thankful and listen for guidance on how to proceed.  Learning to change is not easy, but I am much more successful when I include Jesus.

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