Forgiveness is something that seems so simple, so easy to say, yet so complex and deeply rooted in my level of happiness and ability to enjoy my everyday life. 

How do I feel and act after I say sorry? 

Forgiveness brings me relief and allows me to live my life more freely.  Even if a person doesn’t accept my apology, I know that I have opened up the line of communication and provided an opportunity to mend the “broken fence.” 

There have been times when I know something went wrong with a friendship, but I have no idea what it was that broke the bond.  I can only guess that something was said to the person that was not correct or maybe they misinterpreted something I said or did. 

I may feel that I have done nothing wrong, but why not be the first one to mend the fence or repair the relationship?  Does it matter who is at fault?  Maybe no one is really at fault, just two different opinions. 

Sometimes it is minutes, hours, days, months, or years, but I always try to mend relationships that go astray.  It might be an apology or it might be simply asking the person to do something together.  There are times when an apology is necessary.  There are other times when providing an opportunity to be together is enough to mend the fence. 

How authentic is my apology?

The way I apologize to someone makes all the difference.  I am careful to make sure the act is heartfelt and personal.  The words, “I am sorry,” without genuine emotion or without some personal touch may be taken as simple words.  I work at personalizing my apologies including eye contact and adding something related to the reason I am asking for forgiveness. 

“I am sorry” are very important words to be able to say.  But it is also important for people to know what you are sorry for and that they feel the apology is real and authentic. 

If someone genuinely asks for my forgiveness, it makes it easier for me to forgive.  Depending on the significance of what needs to be forgiven, I may not forget what happened, but I work hard at forgiveness because it affects my health and my overall well-being if I don’t forgive.  It is also what I believe I am to do according to my faith. 

Various people in my life have experienced significant issues that were life-altering.  Issues where one might say, “Why would I ever forgive them?”  I believe that forgiveness frees me from the pressure of a past event/occurrence.  It helps me move on and live a more fulfilling life. 

I know people that have not been willing to let go and forgive.  In all the cases that I am aware of, it has hurt the person holding on to the issue more than the person who may or may not desire forgiveness.

Does the person know they did something hurtful?

Often people don’t even realize there is an issue or a reason to say, “I am sorry.”  It might be that I don’t realize someone’s feelings were hurt because I don’t know the person’s history or background.  It might be that the person is very sensitive or the person is recovering from a very hurtful event in their life.  It might just be an off day, a day when the person doesn’t have their usual strength or sense of humor. 

It seems like I ask for forgiveness daily.  Among the many times I have unintentionally hurt someone, there are a few that stand out in my mind as ones that I will never really know what happened.  These issues should not have happened and occurred with people very instrumental in my life. 

One was regarding a board member whom I hold in very high regard.  All the board members I worked with are incredible individuals and business people.  This one, in particular, mentored and trained me and was a person who was very giving of their time. 

At the end of our business connection, all of a sudden everything changed.  I don’t know what went wrong, but I am guessing someone misinterpreted something I had said, and instead of being a compliment it turned into a negative comment. 

This misinterpretation happened with someone else who left the company, things were said that I know the employee never would have communicated.  The person who delivered the misinterpreted comments only worked with the company for a short time.  There was nothing I could do to redeem myself or regain that business relationship, but it will forever be something I wish would have been different.  I did connect back and made it clear how much I valued this person, but it was not received and I understand why.  I gave the issue to God and moved on.

Another miscommunication occurred with close family friends.  I believe the friends felt like they were not included in my children’s birthday party.  The party was a kids’ party, but someone asked to bring a grandmother along.  I was delighted and said yes!  I didn’t know it at the time, but I am guessing my friends thought I invited the grandmother. 

Things were much more complicated, but by the time I realized there was an issue, my friends were not speaking to me.   I believe that it was part of God’s plan to encourage me to leave my amazing job, and the community that I loved so that I would return to my hometown.  This was one of the most difficult times in my life.  However, years later I planned a trip to that community and was blessed by reuniting with our close family friends.  It was mutual, unstated forgiveness that was a gift from God.    

I find myself continually asking for forgiveness from my kids.  Most of the time requesting forgiveness for acting too quickly without full knowledge of the situation.  I believe it is important for them to know how to give forgiveness, how to ask for forgiveness, and that my love is unconditional.     

I find it valuable to be open to all acts of forgiveness.  It is important to forgive others, but I find it essential to be able to forgive myself, too.  I pray that forgiveness will be granted.  If it is not, I leave it to God to find the opportunity to “mend the fence.”

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