I really mean, how are you? I’m not looking for a “fine,” “ok,” or no answer, I’m looking for a genuine answer to the question, how are you?

If I take the time to ask how you are, I want to know the answer and more than likely have a reason for asking. 

“How are you?” is so overused.  Most of the time I end up having to say, “How are you, no, I really mean how are you? What’s going on in your life and how have you been?”

There is a series on Netflix called All American. Until recently, I had not watched any episodes or heard of the series.  I watch very little television. I have recently had some spare moments and was curious about the show, so I watched a few episodes.

One of the episodes was based on a family so busy that they overlooked all the signs of someone needing attention.  The daughter reached out several times, but the family was too busy to see she needed their help.

The daughter in the family was just reaching her one year of sobriety.  No one in her family remembered, asked her how she was doing, or noticed she was reaching out for help. 

Her family looked picture-perfect and loved her very much.  But they all were working in their own fast-paced world and didn’t see how detached they were from each other. 

Not only the daughter but each member of the family was disconnected in their own way.  There was only one person who asked the daughter how she was doing after rehab and it was a friend who recently had come into her life. 

What is it that makes me forget about the importance of connecting and reaching out to others?  What will it take for me to genuinely be interested in a person’s response to the question, how are you?  I ask the question, but do I really listen for the answer and am I willing to help if needed? 

I am careful to ask the question only when I am ready to listen to the response and act accordingly.  From time to time I catch myself asking the question out of habit.  I put effort into asking a more specific question when I see the opportunity.  But I still catch myself saying, “How are you?” without really giving the question much thought.  Thankfully, it is happening less often. 

When I see a person in need, I ask how they are doing and I wait for an answer.  Social distancing has provided me with some extra free time.  I challenge myself daily to take some time to reach out to others, listen to people, and respond accordingly.

I ask, “What is going on in their life?”  Sometimes it is not that person needing help but someone who is important in their life.   Often times having someone to talk to and listen to the issue is all the person needs.  A few seconds may not be enough, but a few minutes with a good listener can make a big difference in someone’s life.

Now is the time to take a few minutes and ask someone, “How have you been?”  There has been a great deal of change in all of our lives recently.  Reach out to someone, it might be a person who looks like they have it all together, maybe it is a person who is working extended hours daily,  or possibly a person who is home alone and has little communication with others.

I pray for opportunities and I’m guided by my faith to reach out to those who spontaneously come to my mind or unexpectedly cross my path.  I don’t expect to fix people’s problems, but rather be available to listen during these difficult times.

I am grateful for many things. During this time I am grateful for those who reach out to people and ask the hard questions with respect and kindness.  One of my neighbors reached out and said, “I don’t want to overstep my bounds or embarrass you, but if you need help please let me know.”  Thoughtful, respectful, and kind, how amazing is that! 

I pray that I will be led to those in need, that I will know the right questions to ask, and that I will be a good listener.  I have faith that as we move through this time we will be good neighbors and listen to how people answer the question, how are you?

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