I wanted to know what I was doing wrong and what I needed to work on, so I asked Jesus through prayer.  I am here to tell you, don’t ask that question unless you are prepared for the answer.  For the last several weeks, I have had no shortage of lessons learned and things to improve.   

He introduced me to how many things I say that don’t need to be discussed.  Not only are they unnecessary, but they don’t contribute to the conversation in a productive manner.

What he showed me was how easy it is to add conversation to justify what needs no justification.  I could hear myself say something to justify the topic of conversation, but in my head, I clearly understood that the comment was unnecessary.  It wasn’t bad or wrong, just overkill, nothing needed to be said. 

Here is the bigger problem.  Not only did I say it once, but I repeated the comment a few days later.  It didn’t need to be said, and I clearly was aware of the possibility of it happening again.  In my mind, I knew it was coming, and I still proceeded to make the comment.

Another few days passed, and I was prepared not to make the same mistake a third time.  I was ready to redeem myself to Jesus, right?  Proving that I listened and learned. 

That is not what happened.  A similar conversation was building.  I was completely aware of what I needed to say and what was unnecessary, reminding myself not to add extra information. 

Clearly, I was on the road to success and completely on board regarding what not to say.  Yet I failed again, justifying the unnecessary.  Why did I do that, and how did I let that happen?      

The first thing that came to my mind was Judas and how he must have felt denying Jesus three times.  He was aware that one of the disciples would betray Jesus, never thinking it could be him, not recognizing his betrayal until it was too late. 

I am thinking Jesus may have wanted me to see how easy it is to fall into a pattern of wrongdoing, even when our mind and heart are knowing and seeking the right solution.         

I was proven wrong three times, and each time I saw the trap I was walking into.  For me, it was a beautiful lesson in how easily I can be moved off track and how solid my feet need to be in the strength and love of Jesus.   

Each time I am proven wrong, I gain a better understanding of how to ground myself in Jesus.

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