Recently I was speaking to someone who was trying to decide how to tell a friend that they could not accept the invitation.  This person didn’t want it to seem like an excuse, because it wasn’t.

My advice was, to tell the truth.  It would be pretty embarrassing if something else was given as an excuse and it showed up on social media, or worse in person. 

Knowing there are many ways to approach the topic; I mentioned two, addressing them bluntly or with some explanation.  If the person is someone I want to be a true friend, I provide some amount of information as to why I am unable to attend.  It is not necessary, but it makes people feel appreciated.

Have you ever invited someone to do something and this is their reply, “No, I am so sorry. But thank you, it sounds nice.”  Whenever I hear this I think about the “old” saying, “If you don’t have something nice to say, don’t say anything at all.”  Personally, I take that to mean one of two things, the person is not invested in a friendship or they are pressed for time.  When it happens repeatedly, for me it is a “red flag” that the relationship may not be going as far as true friends!

When I am in an uncomfortable situation and feel myself wanting to make excuses, I pray.  I immediately stop the countless alternatives from taking up space in my mind and ask Jesus to solve my dilemma.  My stress disappears and my mind becomes clear to receive a response.  I follow what I know is right, the truth.

My true friends never have to stop and worry about me being hurt or angry regarding plans that they have made with other people.  I might be disappointed that they can’t spend time with me, but never mad.  True friends understand that you might have prior plans or that you don’t feel up to doing a particular activity.  Being disappointed likely means you care.  Feeling like you have to make an excuse other than the truth is a warning signal.    

Living away from my hometown for many years, I always wanted to make time for all my friends and family when I visited.  I often struggled with also needing some downtime to relax and recover on my time off.  I always knew my true friends because they never made me feel guilty if I were home and didn’t have time to meet. 

Although I made myself feel guilty occasionally, my parents never pushed me for more time.  Thankfully, I never had to make excuses.  I spent most of my time with them because my family was fun to be around, but they never made me feel guilty for choosing to go see friends.  They never questioned why I was not home, but I always knew they were happy when I was home.

I believe in the truth, but there are times when I might leave some details out unless asked.  A bit of “TLC” in how you approach the truth is always helpful.  You might be going somewhere that the person would feel hurt if they were not invited.  I choose my answer carefully because most of the time people know what is going on behind all the coverups. 

Party invitations often bring opportunities for excuses.  My parents had the birthday party rule of all or nothing.  We could have a party with everyone in our class or no party.  However, that rule changed as we got older.  It was a rule I continued with my children.  It did not eliminate, but it minimized hurt feelings in the classroom.    

When it comes to volunteering my time I make no excuses.  I am blunt, but polite because service is a high priority to me and I am careful not to over-extend myself.  My response is something similar to, “No, I am sorry, but thank you for asking.”  If asked again and the request is a possibility, I let them know it is okay to ask again in the future because things are always changing.  It is not the desired response, but it is the truth. 

I never want to waste the time of a volunteer who is trying to fill a position.  If the position is something I am considering, I give myself 24 hours to decide.  For me, that means 24 hours to pray about the service request.  I am careful to respect the volunteer’s time and respond within the 24-hour period.

If I find myself spending time evaluating excuses of any kind, I know that I am off my intended path.  Whether I am responding to a friend or an unknown party it is important to me to be truthful and uphold my integrity.  Although I make mistakes, my intention is to eliminate excuses while keeping kindness a priority.  Evaluating excuses one prayer at a time.         

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