I’ve grown to realize that one of our shortcomings as humans is knowing how we are heard by others, whether we choose to be nasty or nice.  We speak, and our emotions flow without reservation.  Sometimes, without regard to how it is received by others, and without regard to how hurtful it might sound.

I remember being surprised by someone who had no idea they were speaking to me harshly.  Out of respect, I kept quiet.  However, it is a lesson that stayed with me.  I will never forget the tone that I heard or how it made that person appear disrespectful to my feelings.

Yet years later, I found myself in the position of being disrespectful without knowing.  I spoke to someone with disrespect that was unwarranted and frankly unacceptable.

My tone would have gone unnoticed by me, except that the person was strong enough to say, “You spoke to me with that tone first.”  The memory of years ago rushed back into my mind, and I knew exactly what this person was saying.  I was disrespectful without even knowing it, and in turn, they were disrespectful back. 

I apologized, and from that moment on listened to my words.  Our tone, how we sound to others, and how we treat others are critically important.  It sets the stage for everything to move forward.  A kind voice tone increases the chances of someone being helpful, and a nasty tone will likely lead to someone feeling used.

When I hear myself using a nasty tone, I apologize and ask for forgiveness.  It’s not something I put aside and only think about at certain moments.  Every day, I think about how I’m presenting myself to others verbally and nonverbally.  Am I building others up or tearing them down with my tone?

So many times, as I move through life, I wish I had a recording.  Something I could play back and listen to with an open mind.  A tool to help me navigate through being nasty and nice.  Instead, I ask Jesus to help me know when I am out of line and to see my past mistakes so I can better navigate the future.

Someone said to me, “Your parents probably never used a nasty voice to you.”  To that, I would say we all have our moments.  We all have those times when we’re tired, exhausted, and our filter is weak.  In these moments, I stop, listen, pray, apologize, and ask forgiveness.

It is our choice to be nasty or nice.  I pray that my words and actions reveal kindness and love.   

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